16 October 2012

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month : October 2012

 

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October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.

A very special family in my life recently celebrated the fifth birthday of their second son.  His name is Roman, and he was born sleeping at 42 weeks, weighing in at over 9 pounds.  He had hypoplastic right heart syndrome.  He is very much loved and missed.  I spoke to his mama, my Gorgeous Girl, today, and she said something so simple and so eloquent that I was moved to tears.  She told me “I haven’t just lost a baby.  This year, I’ve lost a five year old too.”

Every October since 2003, I remember the miscarriage of my Little Lost Twin, the one who didn’t make it into the second trimester.  The one whom I still long for and miss desperately.  When I allow myself to do so.

I like to think she was a little girl with her mama’s green eyes and her daddy’s beautiful smile.

I never felt her move inside me.  Never experienced the little bubbly flutters that Puggle, our bump name for Boyo, gave me.  But that doesn’t make her any less real.  Or loved.

To this day, there is a little baby-shaped hole in my heart.

I am very lucky because Puggle grew up and was born safely and became the beautiful Boyo who makes my heart sing every day.  He is a truly gentle soul with an enormous heart, and I’m very thankful that he is my son and I am his Mama.

Spare a moment this October, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, to remember all the lost babies.  Think kindly of their parents and their siblings who never got the opportunity to love them in the world outside.  Let them grieve and mourn and wish and remember and yearn.

 

 

I was greatly moved by an extract of this beautifully written memoir, Having and Holding Ellanor, by Kirrily Whatman who blogs at Sunny Side Up. So eloquent, so very moving and so sad.

This October, I am going to acknowledge the loss and emotions of people whose lives have been touched by the tragic loss of their babies.  I’m going to be kind and leave the platitudes unspoken.  I’m asking you to do the same – maybe for yourself too.

 

 

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  • http://mixedgems.net Veronica @ Mixed Gems

    Sorry for your loss, Kim. This is a moving post and beautiful tribute to these little angels. My first confrontation with loss was on the day I announced I was pregnant for the first time. Later that same day, my work friend lost her unborn baby girl at 6 months gestation. I was heartbroken for her and scared for myself. I had never realised just how fragile these little lives can be. Then only a year ago, a dearest friend who struggled so hard to get pregnant, lost her next baby at 23 weeks. I can never forget the importance now of this month of awareness.

    • http://kimbalikes.com Kim-Marie Williams

      Oh, Veronica. That is just awful. We never, ever forget, but being able to talk about it a little more openly for a recognised time helps a lot.

  • Danya Banya

    All the little angels. Thoughts with you and all the other parents of little breathless children.

    • http://kimbalikes.com Kim-Marie Williams

      Oh, thank you you x

  • Grace

    Beautiful and moving post, Kim-Marie. I haven’t personally experienced miscarriage but I have friends and family who have and my heart breaks for them. Thank you for reminding me to think of them and others during this month. Sending you big hugs x

    • http://kimbalikes.com Kim-Marie Williams

      Thank you Grace x

  • Peggy

    I too lost a baby, my only boy. He was born prematurely at 22.5 weeks. He was born alive and I held him lovingly and quietly until he was out of breath. This happened 5 years ago in November and it was the most devastating thing I’ve had to go through in my live. I understand what you mean when you say “when I allow myself” because most of the time life goes on as usual, but on those special days or moments (like right now) you allow the sorrow to overcome you and you let yourself cry as hard as you did when you learned that the little one was not going to make it. I like to think that I have two daughters and an angel. I like to think that my angel’s purpose in this World was to forge the way for his sisters (in losing him we found out that I have an incompetent cervix and thus had a cerclage for each new pregnancy) and that now he plays a role in watching over them. Thank you for this moment x.

    • http://kimbalikes.com Kim-Marie Williams

      Oh Peggy. Thank you for sharing. Thank you. Thinking of you and your little angel. X

  • BossyMummy

    Beautifully written Kim. So sorry for your loss. I wrote about my miscarriages on Monday and it was quite cathartic. It’s good to say the unsaid. Thank you xx

    • http://kimbalikes.com Kim-Marie Williams

      Perfectly put. Good to say the unsaid. Thank you and thinking of you too x

  • http://www.jaynewatkins.com/ Jayne

    I can never begin to understand the pain of such a loss, but I will keep you, and others who haven’t had the chance to hold their child, in my thoughts.

    • http://kimbalikes.com Kim-Marie Williams

      Thank you very much, Jayne. x

  • Jess

    Oh Kim I’m so sorry you never got to meet your beautiful baby girl. I can’t imagine what that must be like. Sending you a great big squishy hug. xx

    • http://kimbalikes.com Kim-Marie Williams

      Thank you, Jess. Hug gratefully received x

  • AParentingLife

    A beautiful post for all the angel babies out there. Sorry for your loss. Fairy wishes and butterfly kisses
    #teamIBOT

    • http://kimbalikes.com Kim-Marie Williams

      Thank you. Fairy wishes and butterfly kisses are perfect for angel babies x

  • http://www.stylingyou.com.au/ Nikki | Styling You

    Oh Kim-Marie … beautiful poignant words. Sending you light and love x

    • http://kimbalikes.com Kim-Marie Williams

      Thank you Nikki. Light and love gratefully received x

  • http://www.goodgollyholly.com Holly Homemaker

    I don’t think there are any words I can say so I am sending a whole lot of love to you, and indeed everyone touched by pregnancy and infant loss x

    • http://kimbalikes.com Kim-Marie Williams

      Thank you, Holly. Would you mind awfully giving your little princess a special squishy hug from me please x

  • Lauren/y

    This is our second October remembering our little lost one, lots of pain and lots of love!

    • http://kimbalikes.com Kim-Marie Williams

      Much love to you and your family, Lauren x

  • Mama Stylista

    Thank you for sharing Kim-marie. I had two miscarriages and think about them all the time, it is so painful for me still. I too am so lucky to have my beautiful son. xx

    • http://kimbalikes.com Kim-Marie Williams

      And he is indeed a gorgeous little chops! Thinking of you x

  • bachelormum

    I can’t ever imagine the heartache of such loss. I know loss and pain though in different forms. And so my prayers, that give me strength and faith in life, go to all those who have lost little babies.

    • http://kimbalikes.com Kim-Marie Williams

      There’s always loss and pain in life, and we’re lucky to have not experienced one or more forms of it. Thank you for your thoughts.

  • Rach- Hopeful Rae of Sunshine

    Thank you so much for sharing this, I think there is such a sense of loneliness when you miscarry that when people share through their blogs it makes me feel a little less lonely.

    • http://kimbalikes.com Kim-Marie Williams

      Oh, I’m so sorry that you’ve experienced this tragedy in your life, but I’m glad sharing my story made you feel a tiny bit better x

  • Trish

    Eight years ago my daughter ~Charlotte~ was born still at 26wks . There are just so many much loved and missed ~angel babies` who are being remembered this month. Beautiful post. I am sorry for the loss of your little twin.

    • http://kimbalikes.com Kim-Marie Williams

      Thank you, Trish. I’ve read and cried over Charlotte’s story. My heart goes out to you x

  • http://www.redcliffestyle.com/ Rachel from Redcliffe Style

    A beautiful thoughtful post xx

    • http://kimbalikes.com Kim-Marie Williams

      Thank you Rachel. All these beautiful comments are making me cry. x

  • http://twitter.com/ShesSonic Sonia // She’s Sonic

    Such a brave, beautiful post Kim-Marie. Thank you so much for sharing these stories with us. I hope all of these special babies are sleeping the most peaceful, dream-filled sleep in heaven. xx

    • http://kimbalikes.com Kim-Marie Williams

      My angel is probably playing dressups and reading a book on a snuggly cloud x

  • Zanni. http://heartmama.net

    Thank you for reminding us to reflect. I lost a baby at 12 weeks last year, and survival instinct urges me not to think if him or her, but maybe I should. Lovely but sad post.

    • http://kimbalikes.com Kim-Marie Williams

      I cried more writing this post than ever before. I think we need to be kind to ourselves and take the time to mourn what could have been.

  • Sophie Allen

    It’s such a taboo subject, I am so inspired by this month bringing attention to something that is usually kept behind closed doors.

    • http://kimbalikes.com Kim-Marie Williams

      I think it’s important to not just shut these emotions behind a closed door. I’m not always ready to share them, and I’ve sucked up a few angry retorts to ridiculous platitudes over the years, both for me and on behalf of others, but this month, I’m sharing in the hopes that it makes others feel OK to be kind to themselves.

  • http://twitter.com/CoTaaB Catherine RodieBlagg

    This is such a moving post, thank you for sharing your experience. I wrote about my miscarriage last week and whilst I found it incredibly difficult to write felt better for doing so. I hope that is also the case for you. Much love to you xx

    • http://kimbalikes.com Kim-Marie Williams

      Thank you, my darling. I must have missed your post. It has been 9 years and I felt like I shouldn’t still be so sad, but I’ve realised that my feelings are valid. x
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